Part 1 of Emptiness

I am the biggest Watcher in the world...
ok maybe not the biggest...but it's what i do best

I Watch...
I'm not talking about watching the human behaviors and trying to correlate it to a deeper psychological meaning, which i can do by the way. I'm talking about the general meaning of watching.. I Watch TV. "That's what i call , dramatic introduction :P"

since tv is old fashion now. I use my lovely laptop to watch all the series ever been downloaded by net hackers god bless their every soul and goal and role in this life.

Movies, series, programs ...seriously my tv is broken for 3 days now, it was only missed now...when i needed to watch Saudi vs Kuwait game ... VIVA SAAAAUDIIII. :D

So anyhow... this whole post is about my fav scenes in movies or series or anything :P.




I'm just a girl , Standing infront of a boy , asking him to love her.




"You complete me"
"Shut up , just shut up , U had me at hello , U had me at hello"





"What about me when u go to the light"
"Izzy"
" No i get it , U'll be ok U'll be fine , but what about me , So don't do it for ur self do it for me , plz denny do it , u have to do it for me , or i will never be able to forgive u"
"For dying? "
"No ,,For making me love U !!!"



"With great power , comes great responsibility , this is my gift , my curse. Who am i ,,
I'm Spider Man".






So you think you can dance.

All I Am is a Broken Hearted

How much injuries my heart can take
How much miseries it can swallow
Till it finally irreversibly breaks
and i'm left with voided hollow

I took this path for years and years
Thought i'll reach my happily ever after
All i got was heartache and tears
Driving me hurtfully to a disaster

All I am is a broken-hearted
With no dignity , no self respect
U took most of me since "U" started
Let me be with what's from me left

Lost War

You break my heart
Everytime I realize
what i'm fighting for

I'm just fighting in a Lost War.


Carrying all the injuries
Burying all the casualties
Fighting with all what's left in me
Do U want to kill some more?

I'm just fighting in a Lost War.

Getting White-Hearted

That's a thing i was thinking when i was talking to some1 i've been having -ve feelings about for the past few months.
I've had a bad year .. that last 1.. it was confusing , self destructive and just nothing seemed working. and i've changed..i admit that.

I didn't have a reason to change..except me...i've changed to something that i didn't like..which made me hate the way i was..and destroyed my self by anyway possible.

I've become dark..very dark..waiting for ppl to slip so i have a reason to hate them ...

Well, yeah

I decided...no...i actually am stopping that...being the old me...not judging by someone's 7sh..not hating to just hate..thinking..that if any1 is different doesn't mean they're wrong


I'm getting my heart whitened .. and loving it :)

1st 3 weeks in Southampton .. ya cooly coolaah

Hmmmmz
I don't know what to say
I was walking today in the rain .. holding my 4 pound umbrella up .. realizing this could be the 1st time ever for me to talk in such a heavy rain.

It's weird how time flies .. every day when i'm at the bus stop i think .. I won't be here for longer than i was.

It's been wonderful staying here..being here..working here (though i haven't really """worked""" except for the past few days lolz)

I just love this place..

It's calm..friendly..and the weather is killing amazing. (to us not to them . it's raining all the time)

I don't think i wanna be back..just not yet ... =)

My 1st 3 days .. still alive

I decided on my bumpy ride on the 22 bus from Southampton General Hospital to Saint Hant Hospital to write my diaries here ..
Well actualy i told my family that before i leave but i wanted to start the topic with bus talk =p

Gosh ! what a ride ( not the bus now). It all started the night of the 11th when we left home going to Dammam airport in which , surprisingly, was my 1st time flying from there!. More importantly, It was my 1st time flying without my parents... It was me and Rabab and the way to Southampton.

My dad , after my mom pushed him to go with us and spend the 1st week around us, was in Bahrain getting ready to fly to Southampton the time we were in the car.

Eman , my cousin , was on her way to Abu Dhabi to take a flight there sending her to Southampton.

Yeah i know , it's the amazing race ! My dad won , if anyone cares =p.

So back to the car that was driving us to the airport .. I couldn't believe it ! I'm going there for 5 weeks alone .. with my sister and cousin of course .. but alone in the hospital alone in the hostel alone alone alone ='( !!.

We said goodbye to my mom and my lil sister who cried her heart out after Rabab decided to cry when we were saying goodbye =s. kids ^o| !

We waited and waited and waited in the stupid airport of Dammam till they announced our flight and we rushed to the airplane. How cool r we flying alone !

so lets spare the boring detail of our flight and arrival .. and the rest of the day was me sleeping in the hilton ... till the other morning

My 1st day dwam .. went to the hospital .. registered .. and here we go .. totally lost .. lolz
went to my skn .. registered ... saw my room .. feiha net. .. yuppy =D

2nd day dwam (today) .. i got up at 6 15 to catch the bus going there..which i didn't know where it is exactly .. i was so not wanting to go .. coz i really felt lost the 1st day.

Went to the bus station at the hospital near by .. the bus came at 7 45 i was in the hospital by 8

went to the wing i know the team is in .. The Fantastic 4 ( i call them that they don't know)

Marchello the italiano .. speaks like robert di nero
Mary the british .. she's so sweet !! toooo much sweet that i can't deal with her =s
Dr. Angel ! the british / spanish .. he's a hardworker .. teaches me sometimes stuff
the indian .. who was nice with me today =D

so i ran with them the rounds...lost..but lil bit found .. and then mary suggested by 10 that i go to the theatre !!

I wore the scrub suit =D =D .. looked so scruby
went to the surgery .. sat behind while marchelo was supervising the indian doctor.
They wanted to cut some of the pancreas to test it. It was so damaged by chronic pancreatitis .. so they wanted to took off the part damaged.

The consultant .. Mr. Johnson came by to do the surgery .. and since i was short i was standing on something to lift me up =s ..

the doctor was so nice that he was explaining to me what was he doing.. coz all what i was seeing is cutting burning and blood everywhere =D =D ...

The anesthetic was so bored that he came to talk with me !
God those anesthetic ppl akeed zhganein all the time =s.

When they were cutting every orgen i know they found something fishy in the duedonum.
Appearantly some ectopic pancreatic tissue is grown there =o WHICH WAS AMAZING ! even for the real doctors ! so they took that part with the pancreas ( after 4 hours surgery =s =s with me standing all the time ='( )
and then Mr johnson took me to the lab .. to show it to me...and they took picture for it =D like book pictures.... i was this close to put my face in the camera hahaa =D =D


anyhow...i came back now..on that bus which was jumping all over southampton
my back is killing me .. i'm so tired.. i'll go pray and my dad will come to visit in a while

Post Stress Disorder

Why is my life so ........

1- complicated
2- stupid
3- meaningless
4- empty
5- full of stuff that i can't appreciate




I'm so ........

1- complicated
2-stupid
3- pathetic
4- empty
5- full of stuff that i can't appreciate



All I Need is ..... to make me better


1- to stop hating me
2- a bitter song
3- a night full of tears
4- a poem says what's inside
5- some1 who understands me
6- U !